Ever since the internet has become a regular part of the human experience, cyberspace has been implicated as an accomplice in online affairs, real life adultery, and the break-up marriages.
With every new online fad have come the stories of spouses wandering away from their marriage to a new cyber love interest. Media has spotlighted tales and trends of online affairs starting through chat rooms, MySpace, Second Life, websites and online forums.
Is Facebook, the world’s fastest growing online social network, just another in a long list of cyber threats to your marriage?
Having been active Facebook users for awhile and experiencing the good, the bad, and the ugly of participating in an online social network, we recognize there are potential threats to your relationship. But the ultimate threat is not the latest technology … it is the choices you make online and offline … in cyberspace and real life.
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K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky are “The Social Media Couple” who speak, teach and write on all things technology and relationships. Their hope is to empower couples, parents and families to use common sense and healthy boundaries in this social media age. Jason and Kelli wrote Facebook and Your Marriage (2010), the first book ever written on the topic, and have written extensively on how couples, parents and families can survive and thrive using technology. The Krafskys have been married since 1994 and live just outside of Seattle with their four children. Contact them at the SocialMediaCouple.com website, techlationships.com blog, via email at info@techlationships.com, on Twitter (@techlationships) or through Facebook (Social Media Couple).
Copyright © 2009 K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky – Permission granted to use and reproduce with proper source citation.
January 22, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Great article Jason! This is very timely and important.
January 23, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Thought provoking. Thanks for what you do.
February 2, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Thanks for this. Will use it in mentoring our young marrieds at church.
February 23, 2009 at 9:24 pm
I just ran across this article. My husband and I got married right after high school and have been together for about 15 years now. We have just recently joined facebook and this had lead to several fights about ex-girlfriends he now wants to be friends with (even after he said he wouldn’t). Needless to say, this is very hurtful to me, even though it has been so long since he was last intimate with them. At least I know that I am not crazy for feeling so incredibly hurt and betrayed by this. I have not yet decided what to do about it, so I appreciate running across your article.
February 24, 2009 at 10:19 am
Demi – we encourage you to have your husband read the article (if he hasn’t already) and then talk about setting up “Facebook” boundaries you both can live with (e.g. not friending old flames, private correspondences, etc). Also, be sure that both of you have a chance to share your feelings about this matter (both yours and his).
March 31, 2009 at 2:28 pm
I want you to know that I just discovered that my wife has been having an affair with a man she dated just prior to meeting me. We have been married for 18 years. She reconnected with this man through a mutual friend on FaceBook. The mutual friend gave my wife her old boyfriend’s phone number.
I new my wife was on FaceBook and I thought that she was spending way too much time on it, but I trusted her as this sort of thing has never happened in our marriage.
What precipitated from the FaceBook reconnection with her old boyfriend were thousands of hours on her cell phone and hundreds of text messages over the next 3 months. This man lived 300 miles from us.
One month after she reconnected, she flew down to the area where he lived, to see some legitimate family members and then met up with him.
To be honest, we have had marital difficulties throughout our marriage, which we both have contributed to.
My prayer is that this marriage can be restored.
May 26, 2009 at 7:01 am
What do you think about secretly keeping in touch with an x-spouse when there are no children involved and the X has tried very hard to break us up in the past. Am I being unreasonable in requesting that all contact with this person end?
May 28, 2009 at 12:03 pm
BB – if there are no shared kids with an ex-spouse, then there is no real reason to stay in contact with one’s ex spouse. Trust and security are important in a relationship. Surrounding yourselves with people who act as cheerleaders for your relationship help you get through the good times and bad times. Not sure an ex-spouse can objectively play that role. Let your spouse now how you feel about the situation. Give him/her an opportunity to share their thoughts on the matter. It may be good to bring in a third party (clergy or counselor) to help you navigate through setting up healthy boundaries. MarriageJunkie
June 29, 2009 at 7:02 am
My wife of 13 years (2 kids) joined FB about 5 months ago. I really didn’t have a clue about Facebook, but I did know that you could catch up with old friends. So no big deal. However, I did notice something change significantly with our marriage – every night after the kids were in bed, she would turn on the computer and would be “hooked” on FB until we went to bed. As someone who doesn’t watch much tv, I got bored and started to live online as well, just visiting BS websites. We truly had a modern day marriage – no talking, no conversations – just a couple with two laptops on in the same room. Sad.
2 months ago, I hear from my brother’s wife. She calls me crying and completely distraught because my brother has been having an affair. It turns out that he met another married woman through Facebook. He’s 40 years old with two kids. I never thought they had the best relationship, but it still made me wonder a little bit.
So, I sign up for a Facebook account. I do admit that it’s partially cool to “bump” into old friends. I looked up a few old friends from HS and college, and then I started to get a few FB friend requests from some ex’s. Okay…..
One day she left her computer on with Faceook open in the browser. I know it’s really really bad of me, but I checked out all her emails. Mostly between current friends. However there were a few emails with her ex’s. Nothing too provocative, but there was a lot of “would love to catch up” “let me know when you would like to grab coffee”, “give me a call if you are ever in XXXX”, etc. I’m not sure how I feel about that – I know its probably two people just catching up. But I also know that is how affairs get started. Right? There was one email between her and a friend from high school. She mentioned that she was going to Miami for work and he asked if she wanted to meet up in a different city. Fortunately, she never responded back…..
I did start feeling incredibly jealous recently. An emotion that I haven’t felt in the 13 years since we’ve been married. I hated when she was on FB and I felt that our marriage was suffering. So I did have a talk with her this past weekend. I told her that I don’t feel that she’s there for me and that we don’t take advantage of the limited time that we have once the kids are asleep. I didn’t mention Facebook at all, but I said that I didn’t like that she was always on the computer. I told her that I needed more than a great mother of my children. I needed a great wife as well.
She was VERY glad I told her and she said that I was exactly right. She did say that she would also like to spend more quality time together.
The message has been delivered. We’ll see if she stops or tones down the FB. I’m kind of hoping that she will get bored with it. We will see…..
July 31, 2009 at 8:19 am
My husband and I recently went to his 20th reunion..the guys encouraged him to get a facebook so they could keep in touch. So my 14 year old help him set it up. He immediately started searching for friends of the opposite sex from childhood thru high school…says that is what he had the most of. He has been emailing them from the inbox not wall posting…at all. and it’s like long paragraphs everynight to a couple of different ones…I know this is new to him. But without making him totally mad I don’t know how to address this. I’ve already told him that I do not email guys…only girls..and post to walls or make comments if it’s opposite sex. we’ve been married 17years and I’m just sick to my stomach…I know it’s jealousy but he did give me his password…and they are promising each other to pick up where they left off and to not lose touch again…it just worries me…How would you think I need to address this????
Totally at a loss…
August 10, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Geeze, sound easier to just not bother joining Facebook in the first place if you have to sneak around and look over your shoulder for the rest of your life.
September 27, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I agree with the need to set boundaries when using internet blogs or web communities like FB. I knew for a while that my wife had a very good friendship with a married man and spent time blogging talking about sports. I am afraid that she cares a lot for this person now and so happens that he is now separated and lives in the same area. Of course, this has caused alarms to start blaring in my head and now I feel like I need to monitor every thing that may be going on to save our marriage and our family. I hope to resolve this soon without too many traumas to our lives. At least I know what I am facing and I am praying to take the right steps to make it through this stressful time.
October 15, 2009 at 9:01 am
AWESOME!! I’m going to link this on my facebook. I went off Facebook for 6 months because of this very thing and when I returned I came back with my husband. We have a FB together…Gene-Lelia Jane-Chealey. Jane is my maiden name. It may look goofy, but I tell you what, the protection it offers this couple that have cheated on one another is so worth it! Thank you for your boldness and advice! I saw you all on Dennis Rainey’s FB.
Blessings,
Lelia
December 3, 2009 at 9:07 pm
[...] boundaries to protect yourself, your spouse and your marriage. Spend some time talking about what’s in bounds and out of bounds and as a couple, agree on what boundaries you’ll set as a couple. A little bit of agreement on [...]
December 9, 2009 at 1:26 pm
[...] boundaries to protect yourself, your spouse and your marriage. Spend some time talking about what’s in bounds and out of bounds and as a couple, agree on what boundaries you’ll set as a couple. A little bit of agreement on [...]
December 10, 2009 at 3:44 am
[...] boundaries to protect yourself, your spouse and your marriage. Spend some time talking about what’s in bounds and out of bounds and as a couple, agree on what boundaries you’ll set as a couple. A little bit of agreement on [...]
December 16, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I just found out my boyfriend, about 8 months ago was flirting with a 18 year old girl on facebook. He said it was just a game and he thought his x-wife set up the whole game, as he refers to it…Only three conversations…The 18 year old stated she was attracted to him..Yea right, he is a old looking 45 year old. I am so hurt and angry…How do I handle this. He said she just dissappeared…yea right.
January 6, 2010 at 7:47 am
[...] A helpful article at the Marriage Junkie gives 5 ways to protect your marriage if you use social networking. [...]
February 3, 2010 at 11:33 am
Wow, I can’t beleive people don’t know this stuff already, very basic info. Don’t you do stuff like this with EVERYTHING that is “iffy” with your spouse?
Very sad that people can’t even take ownership for themselves and use facebook as a lame excuse for a divorce or not being able to work it out.
February 18, 2010 at 10:46 am
My husband and I have been married for 36years. One year ago he was contacted by an old friend and neighbor on facebook.They became “friends” and started chatting. At first I was not concerned as she lives in New Zealand and we live in S.Africa. I soon became concerned at the time my husband spent chatting to her, supposedly about “old times”. I picked up photos/cards and messages they sent to each other and approached him kindly saying it was hurting me and felt that he was becoming far too familiar for my liking. She was in a unhappy marriage and enjoyed his flattery and sweet talk. Then the sms’s began followed by a daily phone call. Then the e-mails to and from his work address started. I was devastated. To cut a long story short we separated as a result. He was away from home for 5 months and during this time they became even more acquainted. After 5 months he came home and promised me it was all over and he was home for good. I later discovered that she had flown out to S.Africa and they had spent a three week holiday together. They had also got engaged and planned to get married. Well things went downhill from there and he moved out once again. He has since flown to New Zealand twice to be with her and we are busy with divorce proceedings. My heart is broken and at the moment I hate face book.If boundaries are not put in place and adhered to this will be the result.
February 18, 2010 at 10:57 am
just ditch all of the social networking sites. my fiance and i quit both facebook and myspace because we feel that these sites are bad for relationships. you’ll have more free time with your partner, zero suspicions, zero temptations, and you’ll know who your real friends are when they actually call you on the phone instead of sending you an internet cocktail.
March 31, 2010 at 6:38 pm
[...] co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that have been widely distributed, written about and [...]
April 13, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I am writing a paper for my sociology class where we are touching on current events and family issues. I found several articles on facebook, myspace and other social networks that touch on the importance of boundaries but this one helped me the most due to the detailed and the reality of today issues.
Thanks
Clarissa
May 4, 2010 at 11:19 am
[...] of articles, including “How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage Relationship“, “Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage“, and “Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples“. They [...]
May 7, 2010 at 7:44 am
[...] co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that have been widely distributed, written about and [...]
October 27, 2010 at 7:53 am
It’s the same story on my end. My wife joined Facebook and was spending an incredible amount of time reconnecting with old friends and reading and sharing posts.
Then, she found one of her high school sweethearts from 22 years ago. And yes, they were soon involved in an emotional affair. On May 17, 2010, she informed me that she wanted out of the marriage because she was involved with someone else. I soon discovered who he was and that it started with FB. She moved out and our divorce was final 3 weeks ago today on 10/6.
She walked away from her husband, her children, and her home for this guy. Only to find that after all of his sweet talking and promises, he was not going to leave his wife and kids as they had originally planned. I also contacted his wife and informed her of their infidelity. I was startled when she said…”He does this sh*t all the time. He’s not going anywhere. It’s just play time for him.
So, here she is…No husband, children that don’t want to see her, no home with a real white picket fence that I built for her, and no FB boyfriend (yet). She’s lost her good girl reputation not only with my family and friends, but with her own family and friends as well.
18 years together. 13 years married. It just feels as if it was all for nothing.
Ya…I hate Facebook and the other social networking sites.
November 8, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Hello I would like to know what people thinks about the fact that my boyfriend took me off his firends list after 1.5 years of relationship. I would like to have a responds just so that perhaps I’m over reacting.
Thanks
November 20, 2010 at 12:32 am
My husband got reconnected with his ex-wife on fb. I’m on fb but we’re not friends but he had her on his page and said I didn’t ask to be his friend and that’s why he doesn’t have me on. I am so hurt by this and it is hard for me to swallow. There is so much disrespect and I have told him that this hurts me but he refuses to come off. I have already left him and I want nothing to do with his family. She sent my husband a message and he forgot to log off so I sent one to her. His family has befriended her on fb and I have found her number in his phone. He claims because they have kids together they need to stay in touch. His kids are 25 and 27, so that part I don’t understand. I too have an ex spouse, but I don’t have him as my friend on fb because it’s nothing but trouble and I have a minor child!
December 12, 2010 at 6:12 pm
My husband and I just had an argument over his choice of facebook friends. We are newly married and I love him so dearly. I had a facebook account before we were married but I did not take it seriously and never looked into it. When he learned about it and how to operate it he was intensely interested and fascinated that you could find old friends, etc. He started collecting friends right away. Seeing how involved he was I revived my FB page and discovered that I could contact people too. We both are now “obsessed” with checking our accounts and the whole ball of wax that comes with the photo albums and ease of contact with everyone. Lately I noticed he has changed his privacy settings and jumps out of his skin sometimes when I walk in the room on him unexpectedly. He clicks the laptop off real qiuck and sits there looking stupid and red in the face. I’m no fool, I know he’s involved with the opposite sex in some capacity. So today I looked at his friends lists and saw photos of women that would fit into the soft porn category. I also found communications he was having with an ex-lover. I confronted him with it and the argument ensued. He said, “Well, what about all the male friends you have???!!!” That’s what and who they are==real friends. I really resent his lame manner of defense and excuses he was trying to give me concerning his behavior, as someone here so aptly put it, “It’s a playground for him” right now. It hurts me to see he thinks I’m stupid, that he’s doing nothing wrong, and that I’m wrong because I have real friends that I love as friends==not lovers or men I am lusting after. I’ve given him the warning and sent him this article via FB. We have to do something about all this or this marriage is not going to last much longer. By the way he is a minister of the gospel!!! Need I say more?
December 23, 2010 at 5:41 am
I have had a long standing issue with facebook, my wife and our marriage. At one point last year my wife was spending up to 5 hours per day on it. She was putting salacious photos of herself and would allow anyone to be a “friend.” We had confrontations over sexualized comments from her with others and she stopped. The I confronted someone on there and it blew up. He asked her to have sex to make me jealous. She deleted him but it was my fault for confronting him in the first place (He has two Domestic Violence Arrests-she didn’t know him). She then blocked me from seeing her friends. We are having marital problems. I have many issues that I need to work on. I have asked her to work her account with the suggestions that you have made. She sees it as control. She has turned off her account for now. I do have insecurity problems and control issues that I am working on. I am not perfect. I feel her account exacerbates issues. Any suggestions?
February 1, 2011 at 7:37 am
[...] Studies are mixed whether Facebook and MySpace are positive or negative in relationships. Some studies say positive. But there is a growing backlash – possibly the most serious accusation being the impact on marriage. [...]
February 2, 2011 at 11:15 am
If any of you women are tired of this crap, and hate IPhones and Facebook I would gladly date you and treat you like the princess you are. Women and Men, who pull this crap on FB, and then turn it around to where “you” are the one with the “issues” needs to be divorced immediately.
February 2, 2011 at 11:32 am
Okay well. maybe my last post was my being upset. Upset that my wife of 10 years has also been on Myspace and FB for a few years. it HAS led to an emotional affair, all lied about and hidden, this was not the woman I married. We have a child, and just bought a house together. None of that mattered. FB chat turned into chronic IPhone texting with 100′s of msgs between them. All for me to be told that she just doesnt think she is in love with me anymore. Well, Right! As long as you have your IPHone you dont need another human being! My child suffers the neglect, I suffer the abandonment. This has killed our marriage, and we are headed for divorce.
It saddens me deeply that so many have gone thru the same thing.
March 5, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Thank you for this article. I never thought I would be a statistic of marriage fighting over fb.But today I am. My husband has become this careless men. befriending exes and having innapropriate and suggestive chats. posting suggestive comments on pictures. i have raised this issue. but he keeps digging the hole deeper. He defriended me. requested I untag myself.he wants privacy to do everything he wants. It seems to me he wants to live as if he was still single on fb even though we are linked as married. his actions on fb i find demeaning not for me alone but himself.
I have talked about this..but I am tired. we have a child and I cant be wasting my energy arguing over this. I am ready to pull the plug for to me him sticking to this means he truly does not care. I am feeling insulted. we are not even sharing the same bed for the past few days. he is chosing fb over his mariage. so I am about to give him the privacy he wants. this breaks my heart…but we have to pick our battles. it seems I value marriage differently than him. boundairies are not understood!!!!!its killing our marriage and I am becoming harder and colder in my heart over his choices.we have a beautiful child and a promising life ahead of us…but pettyness and flirting online is what he is chosing. how sad.
March 14, 2011 at 10:33 pm
I have been married for 14 years to a wonderful, loving, caring man. A year ago he became a Facebook user and has been addicted ever since. I had a FB account as well and enjoyed contacting old friends. When my husband started becoming secretive about his account I became worried. I later found out he was flirting with some women on there. I was devestated. When I confronted him, he said I was
“over-reacting” and the women were only his friends. I realized later that when he and I were having problems in our marriage he would call his women friends to seek emotional support. I have tried to get him to read helpful books on saving our marriage but he thinks I am just controlling him. When he realized I was monitoring his Facebook page he went as far as to open a different Facebook account so I couldn’t see what he was writing. The thing that I find so frustrating is that I have NEVER been a controlling person. He has lied so much to me that I don’t ever know if I can trust him again. We have two children and that is why I try so hard to keep my marriage from falling apart. Several months ago I told him to leave…that I needed a separation for a while. He flipped out and told me that he would kill himself if I divoriced him. I felt he was manipulating me yet I was concerned so I let him stay. His behavior on Facebook doesn’t change though to this day. I am just not sure what to do. I hate living like my feelings don’t matter.
March 18, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Thanks for this article. I’ve been married 29 years and both my husband and I have facebook accounts. Although it has been fun reconnecting with old friends there have been many issues with it as well. We had the agreement that we would know each others password so that if something happened to one of us the other could delete the page and so we could maintain open accounts with each other without hiding anything. We’ve had the issue with an old girlfriend that wanted to “have coffee with him” when she came into town. After I read her message to him and blew up he deleted her as a friend. I kept telling him she was an emotional train wreck but he kept telling me she was just a friend until that happened. Now he has his private chats with another old girlfriend almost every morning and I’m not happy about that either. Of course he tells me there is nothing there and I’m getting upset over nothing. She is a friend to me as well, however, where do you draw the line? I knew that something wasn’t right…now he is friends with someone that neither one of us know apparently she is friends with a mutual friend and my husband has been copying quotes to his facebook wall that she has on hers. I find this a strange thing to do. Almost every quote she has he has copied to his. About a week ago he changed his password. I knew that it wasn’t right for all these things to happen and that’s how I came across your article when I started to research about it. Thanks.
March 22, 2011 at 11:47 pm
In 2007, I divorced my childhood sweetheart. Our marriage was ruined on account of his infidelity… but this was before FB even existed.
Since my break up, I have had to deal with trust-issues. I was not aware of the extent of the damage caused by my ex-husband’s behavior until I met P, in 2009. It all came as such a surprise, after all these years of pain, to finally experience the joys of a healthy and honest relationship.
P is not a natural flirt, and he has not disappointed me. We have discussed my need for complete integrity, and he insists on reassuring me that he will never flirt with other girls… But here is the subtlety: he and I both have FB accounts, and whether you like it or not, you’re always bombarded with new pics or links sent via such and such to so and so, and before long you spot someone you used to know, or used to like, or they spot you first, and voilà, a contact is made where in reality it would not have existed without FB. Whether or not you choose to befriend the person, or message them is almost unimportant; a problem exists where before there was none, and without wanting to, you are caught up in the stickiness of having to bruise someone’s feelings and refuse a friendship, or accept a friendship and cause pain to the person you love. And of course nothing is done in the open, face to face.
P and I do not always agree over what is safe-ground for FB use. I have never caught him flirting online, but fatally my personal experience leaves me worrying. Ironically, I am probably more sought after by former lovers, past crushes, and internet weirdos than he is. But I am very selective out of respect for his feelings, and also just because I know that one things so easily leads to another.
Yesterday, P commented a link, sent by a former crush of his to a mutual friend. The link appeared on his homepage, and he just thoughtlessly commented it, not checking who posted it to his friend (I read his comment, nothing feisty), but in doing so he caught this woman’s attention, and before long she was asking how he was etc, etc. He told me he was unaware that it was her link, and he would not answer her query, but even I think that is just plain rude.
No harm done here, but see the awkwardness?
In spite of my
April 3, 2011 at 10:01 am
My dear co-ladies above. Your marriage has a problem, and FB is only the manifestation of it. remember that we all run into opposite sex people all the time, and if it hadn’t happened on FB, it would have happened anyway with someone local. they were looking for it. i sympathize with all you worry-warts who are locked in bad marriages, giving your kids your all, while your intimacy dies. i suspect that most of you show no sexual interest in your husbands, and they go looking for the release they need elsewhere. they don’t go to bars, so this is only natural. look inwardly, not outwardly, for the answer to your problems. it is YOU. the husband’s #1 problem is sexual dissatisfaction. the person they are communicating with probably showed more interest in them sexually than you. and they miss it. they all fancy themself as sexual athletes, you know. this is very sad, but when i figured it out (or actually, my counselor convinced me of this), it saved my marriage! look up what Mick Jagger’s wife (Jeri Hall? sp?) said about what her mom told her was the key to keeping him. good luck, ladies.
April 19, 2011 at 8:00 pm
[...] If you’re a little nervous about wading into the online social network world because you’ve heard the stories of online affairs, read our article, “Is Facebook a Cyber Threat to Your Marriage?” [...]
April 21, 2011 at 6:13 am
[...] several blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that have been widely distributed, written about and [...]
April 21, 2011 at 6:13 am
[...] co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that have been widely distributed, written about and [...]
April 21, 2011 at 6:14 am
[...] co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that have been widely distributed, written about and [...]
April 21, 2011 at 5:19 pm
[...] co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that have been widely distributed, written about and [...]
May 25, 2011 at 5:47 am
Never thought FB would be a problem in my marriage either until my husband decided to accept a friend request from a girl he went to high school with. We mostly used FB to keep in touch with mutual friends, family and share pics. Her profile is public so I looked out of curiousity and noticed she is a single mom, not in a relationship. No comments from my husband on her wall. I asked my husband who she was and he got very defensive, said he didn’t know her personally and that she was a friend of his cousin who went the same high school. He said he accepted her invite because he didn’t want to be mean. This bothered me because I am very protective of our family privacy. Especially since he said he didn’t know this woman. I mentioned did he see her page and he said he didn’t. Then I suggested he might want to. Couple months later I noticed they were still friends. I mentioned again, asked him nicely to please unfriend her because something about her profile made me uncomfortable. He refused, got defensive again and said he wouldn’t be mean. Couple days ago she liked one of his pics so fast I knew she had him on her newsfeed. Between this, the birthday wish and his refusal to unfriend her or tell me the true connection I lost my patience and picked the wrong time to confront him. He blew up, told me he wanted a divorce because I was controlling him and then furiously deactivated his entire FB account. Although this event is just a symptom of a much bigger problem, I wanted to share and just remind everyone-that if a loved one feels uncomfortable about someone you are in contact with or something you are doing, out of respect…just stop. No questions asked. That is what people who love do.
May 28, 2011 at 11:44 am
[...] boundaries to protect yourself, your spouse and your marriage. Spend some time talking about what’s in bounds and out of bounds and as a couple, agree on what boundaries you’ll set as a couple. A little bit of agreement on [...]
June 7, 2011 at 10:29 pm
For sure, yes.. My spouse of 15 years looked up an ex college girlfriend from 33 years ago that he told me long time ago she was from a wealthy family. Upon finding her on face book, it was an onging thing and when I confronted her, she simply said she had no intentions, he was just an old friend. When she sent him a birthday cake I demanded it stop and I thought it did but I was wrong. 3 months later i found she flew in to see him from LA, 3,000 miles away. This was the first time he had SEEN her in 33 years, he told me he wanted to go to LA because she could offer him alot and he wanted a shot at happiness before he died. He left 3 days later after she paid for a UHaul truck for him. He could not afford the move or an apt in LA because his only income is SS disability. This would never had happened if facebook did not make it possible for people to get out in cyber space.
June 9, 2011 at 9:31 am
THANKS FOR YOUR INTEREST IN THIS ARTICLE. IT HAS BEEN REPOSTED (IN FULL) ON OUR NEW BLOG at Techlationships.com (http://bit.ly/lyY65r).
PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS THERE RATHER THAN HERE. THANKS!
June 9, 2011 at 9:34 am
Cindy – thanks for your comment. Sorry to hear about what happened to you and your marriage. Would you mind reposting your comments at our new blog (http://bit.ly/lyY65r)? Your story is important for others to read and it will get a lot more attention as we are directing all traffic from MarriageJunkie.com to Techlationships.com. Thanks, KJK (MarriageJunkie)
June 9, 2011 at 9:35 am
Neva – thanks for leaving a comment on this article. So sorry to hear about what happened to you and your marriage.
Would you mind reposting your comments at our new blog (http://bit.ly/lyY65r)?
Your story is important for others to read and it will get a lot more attention as we are directing all traffic from MarriageJunkie.com to Techlationships.com.
Thanks, KJK (MarriageJunkie)
June 20, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Me & my husband are a young couple. Been married a year in Aug. And i hate that he has a FB and adds old lovers. I mean why? I feel it adds temptaions and what could they have in common to speak about? I feel he needs some attention from other women or something, not that he would cheat but u never know. He is such a little boy. He has a job and goes to work, but when it comes to knowing how to hold it down as a strong, loving husband (MAN) he is lacking terribly. I don’t even know if i’m happy with him anymore. I love him but i’m so tired of being the bigger person. When he shuts down and walks away i try to make him hear me and understand logic of the matter. But I’m 23 and this whole FB thing is WACK. Can u men just love what u got at home enough to give up a social networking site or get a divorce over it??….. Hey whatever u put into ur marriage u get out. U prideful men need to grow up. Go to work, take care of home and if ur wife wants u off FB…..LOVE HER ENOUGH to give the damn thing up. Really man, is it that serious???? Obvisous to some it is…..i don’t get it!
August 4, 2011 at 8:06 am
i have just deleted my account yesterday as it has become a real issue with me and man,as i started to befriend guys and got chatted up and made the whole of his insecurities worse when i found an ex.even tho we have split up 4 times now he has moved out we still love each other.i realised how selfish id been noe listening to his insecurties properly ,did feel like i was being controlled but in the end that f.book i deleted to show hi that he means more to me than that…..blokes will just trytheir luck even if u are married etc.it seems online chatting is sooooo uch easier and i put myself in his shoes and didnt like it at all…… yes he has to deal with his issues but ive gotta deal with mine being happy that one guy loves me properly ..dont mess about with it i didnt realise how many people it messes up
August 17, 2011 at 10:59 am
My husband had an emotional affair with a coworker & most of their interaction was through FB. Now several years later, I am having issues again. He has several female “friends” on FB he knew when he was a young teen. They were friends with his younger sister.
He is on FB all day long at work! He pretty much only interacts with these women. He is very flirtatious with them! He comments on their bodies, dancing naked with them, etc. The comments are SO bad that my teenage daughter told her friends he was having an affair. He just won’t stop & doesn’t see why it upsets me. I cannot live the rest of my life with him flirting in a public online forum. I’m afraid my marriage cannot survive this…
October 24, 2011 at 4:37 am
Given access to the opportunity, more and more men (and women) will increase their chances of cheating. As a result, you can see why online affairs have garnered so much negative media attention
December 24, 2011 at 9:44 am
flirting…
[...]Is Facebook a Cyber Threat to Your Marriage? « Ramblings of a Marriage Junkie[...]…
May 12, 2012 at 11:08 am
[...] flirting with and give them the odd poke now and then. More and more we’re finding out that “poking” on Facebook is leading to a little more poking between the [...]