Facebook has created a new set of issues, conflicts and dilemmas for married couples.
> Should a husband accept a friend request from an ex-girlfriend?
> What kinds of posts and comments are off limits for couples on Facebook?
> Should a wife post pictures on Facebook when her and her husband are out of town?
> and more…
Read Our 12 Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples at our NEW Blog >>
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K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky are “The Social Media Couple” who speak, teach and write on all things technology and relationships. Their hope is to empower couples, parents and families to use common sense and healthy boundaries in this social media age. Jason and Kelli wrote Facebook and Your Marriage (2010), the first book ever written on the topic, and have written extensively on how couples, parents and families can survive and thrive using technology. The Krafskys have been married since 1994 and live just outside of Seattle with their four children. Contact them at the SocialMediaCouple.com website, techlationships.com blog, via email at info@techlationships.com, on Twitter (@techlationships) or through Facebook (Social Media Couple).
Copyright © 2009 K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky – Permission granted to use and reproduce with proper source citation.
December 4, 2009 at 10:53 am
[...] Here is a great blog to read called “Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples” [...]
December 4, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Thanks guys for posting this! Very insightful and helpful in dealing with todays issues! Thanks for fighting for marriages! You guys rock!
December 5, 2009 at 10:04 am
[...] >> Our Top Dozen Do’s & Don’ts for Facebooking Couples [...]
December 5, 2009 at 8:46 pm
These are exactly the rules I live by. Not so much my hubby. I am going to leave this page open for him to read. Excellent advice. Thank you.
December 6, 2009 at 12:53 pm
This one has a lot of great sudjestions! Thanks.
December 6, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Great advise for newly marrieds as well as those with 40 years or less into the relationship circle.
Here is a DON’T. Talk face to face with your spouse. You should not be avoiding them by e mailing, twittering, etc. them when they are only in the other end of the house.
December 11, 2009 at 11:55 am
[...] Here is a great blog to read called “Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples”. [...]
December 19, 2009 at 5:20 am
Excellent tips and resource. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to your book.
December 19, 2009 at 11:27 am
Thanks Seth.
December 22, 2009 at 6:12 am
[...] is an interesting article about couples who “Facebook.” It contains some really good advice about transparency, avoiding [...]
December 28, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Also if facebooking with your boy friend answer any and all questions that he has got about how you know so and so, what you do when he is not with you, keep no secrets from each other, be very open and be supportive of his work, family, and always make your time with each other your time.
December 28, 2009 at 7:33 pm
I have issues with women leaving comments like I love you! on my husbands page. I don’t know her and his response is she is from church. Or she is a a Christian. as if christian people have never interfered in a marriage. I am not jealous, some days I would give him away. I think it is inappropriate. If someone did that on my wall he would comment and through a fit. We have marriage issues. I don’t know most of his friends.
December 29, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Wonderful advice. My husband is in Iraq and so we use FB as a tool to reaffirm our love to family and friends and choose to keep “face” time together on private chats through yahoo. It feels so good to find a way to proclaim loudly to my family and friends how proud I am of him, and he does the same for me. There are always those “talks” that are necessary though when it comes to why we add certain friends or what a certain comment meant. I definitely recommend these do’s and don’ts.
January 3, 2010 at 2:05 pm
You are so right that boundaries and rules are necessary, especially in this age of connectivity on the internet. I felt really awkward when girls I knew in high started connecting with me on Facebook, so I told my wife that everything on Facebook was open to her without question, and I would never personal message a female. Thanks for such a great article!
January 4, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Brilliant, timely and very sagely advice. As a victim of an internet relationship destroying a marriage, I would like to see this as part of the agreement you sign when you sign up for an account.
I think it goes for all social media, not just Facebook.
Thank you again.
January 20, 2010 at 3:37 pm
Really???? This should be common sense.
And… having each other’s login information is not necessary if you trust each other.
January 21, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Thanks JP. While many of the tips are common sense, the lack of setting boundaries and following common ground rules while being on Facebook is wrecking a bunch of marriages and ruining people’s lives. Giving your spouse your log in info is not a lack of trust…it is a step toward transparency and openness. My wife has my social security number, my ATM pin number and access to all my bank accounts…because I completely trust her. Having secrets and hiding relationships is the opposite of what marriage is intended to be.
January 23, 2010 at 5:56 am
I am a forty-something widow, but I am committed to the sanctity of marriage. I have friend requested some married male friends from high school and college, but always try to include comments about their spouses and families in any contact I have with them. I try to convey (through what I say – and don’t say – and how I say it) that I am supportive and protective of the marriages of my married friends. I also assume that my friend’s wife might read his page, and frame my comments accordingly. (Actually, it’s a good idea to assume that anything written on FB to anybody could potentially be public, and embarrassing – or not – depending on your discretion.)
January 23, 2010 at 9:55 am
The top “do” that I wish my wife and I had done from the very beginning was to have 1 FB page as a couple – not two separate pages. So if anyone is married and setting up a new page – do it as a couple.
These are all great suggestions that we live by. Thanks for sharing.
March 2, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Great blog… yes JP, probably a lot of common sense, but sometimes we all forget and could use some reminding.
The one thing I would not agree with is about sharing the username and password. Not because I would not want him to see anything I wrote or someone wrote to me… but he is a big prankster and I would probably end up with some really odd status messages now and then
March 4, 2010 at 8:55 am
Good reminders! I like how my husband always tells me when he adds a female from school, or whatever. One time an old girlfriend tried to friend him and I got upset…well I asked him to unfriend her. Later I thought maybe that was the wrong response…but she blog stalked me for a while so I was then glad I did that. He didnt mind…
March 7, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Looks like the Share button at the bottom of the post isn’t working correctly. It tries to share the link to the Share button tool website instead of the article.
Ooh, I like the idea of the one FB page as a couple! I’ve seen others do that, but it never really occured to me that we could have done that!
March 31, 2010 at 6:37 pm
[...] co-authored Facebook and Your Marriage (2010). Jason and Kelli have co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that [...]
April 30, 2010 at 9:45 am
I’ve recently deleted (inactivated) my FB account. (I noticed it took too much time away from my spouse/children.) But if it were still active, this would definately be a link I’d post in my status. Sometimes we forget to be “obvious” when we’re acting innocently. This is a great proactive way to validate your spouse in a nonobvious way.
May 7, 2010 at 7:44 am
[...] of Facebook and Your Marriage (2010). Jason and Kelli have co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that [...]
February 7, 2011 at 3:47 pm
[...] Marriagejunkie.com has some great suggestions for how to avoid just this scenario from developing . . . and they all begin with talking about Facebook and agreeing to boundaries in terms of how you both use social media. [...]
April 19, 2011 at 7:34 pm
[...] (2010), the first book ever written on the topic, and have co-written several blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that [...]
April 19, 2011 at 7:40 pm
[...] of Facebook and Your Marriage (2010). Jason and Kelli have co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that [...]
April 19, 2011 at 7:44 pm
[...] of Facebook and Your Marriage (2010). Jason and Kelli have co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that [...]
April 19, 2011 at 7:46 pm
[...] of Facebook and Your Marriage (2010). Jason and Kelli have co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that [...]
April 19, 2011 at 8:02 pm
[...] of Facebook and Your Marriage (2010). Jason and Kelli have co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that [...]
April 19, 2011 at 8:03 pm
[...] of Facebook and Your Marriage (2010). Jason and Kelli have co-written three blog articles (Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples, Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?, and How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage) that [...]
April 29, 2011 at 6:03 am
I think another you could add in would be Profile Picture.
I see lots of people (particularly women) uploading and displaying profile pictures that seem to say “available” instead of “taken”.
Its totally fine to put your best face forward but I think it’s good to double check our motives. Who are we trying to impress? For most people, your spouse doesn’t need to log on Facebook to get a good look at you.
July 26, 2011 at 3:27 pm
[...] From Marriagejunkie.com: [...]